Deborah

my new cat Deborah playing with the fur

CSMU again.

Finally, after 2 years, i transferred back to my old uni. Im sure most of you heard about it already. Seriously speaking, its tough. Tougher than i thought. At one point, i thought of giving up. It means, to throw away what i've been working hard for the past 6 years. Wait a minute, 7 years! 7 FREAKIN YEARS. How could i..... Its hard. But its harder not to think about giving up.

Few months flew by.. nothing has changed. Still, there are problems. Still, there's no confirmation of me graduating for sure. This sux! TOTALLY! I've never complaint about my life here. Never. I take it as a challenge to make me stronger. But now.. It all changed in an instant. I cant seem to be the girl i used to be.. The one that doesnt care about the hard life in ukraine. The one that doesnt seem to notice the stupid system that ukraine has. The one that doesnt talk bad about Ukraine eventho its the shittest place anyone can live in. I remembered Diy used to scold me because i dont agree with her about this place. Please la Zul, jangan la jadi baik sangat saying everything is ok. Everything is alright to you. I know deep down inside you're thinking the same as i do. The only thing yang buat aku survive kat sini is only because i have friends to hangout with and thus forget about this shitty place. Those were her words. As time passes by.. i realised.. i couldn't agree more..I guess i didnt know myself too well back then.

I hate the fact that im not the old me. I cant lie to myself anymore like how i used to be. I lie saying everything is ok. Im fcuking happy weeeeeeeee! I cant anymore. I cant..... ..... BUT... despite all this,........ im thankful to Ukraine.. eventho everybody calls it a shithole, this exact shithole taught me how does it feels like to live in a 3rd world country, it taught me how to hold on eventho you're at the peak of giving up,to appreciate my family more ( living far away from them, nobody to help me except for my friends) , taught me to appreciate my friends as they are my family here , to know the boundaries of Islam and to actually follow what Nabi Muhammad s.a.w preached , to know the value of money spend as before, money were given freely by mum and dad, but now, money comes from MARA loan and it is much much lesser than the one i get in Malaysia , and to love somebody with limits!. ..So basicly, Ukraine has taught me how to live, to love, to be patient, and the most important of all, to know how small i am in the universe that ALLAH s.w.t rule.

ps: Im not giving up my studies. NEVER!

Thanks again Ukraine.